When we think about our jobs and the seemingly millions of moving parts that go into it on any given day, there are countless things we might view as most important. What is it that you identify as the most important part of your job? Is it teaching engaging lessons or fostering a sense of wonder among students? Is it teaching them the tools they will need to be successful in school and in life? I’m sure it’s all of these things and more. The truth is, we all want to do these things- and we want to do them well. We all want our students to find purpose, meaning, and success- both in our classrooms and in life beyond their four walls.
The questions is, where do we start? As an educator, the most important part of my job is building relationships and fostering a positive sense of community. For me, it’s all about making connections, or what Rachel Kessler calls the “Soul of Education.” The connections we make with our students are the foundation for success. Academic success, social success- any success, really. This idea goes back to Maslow and the hierarchy of needs. In order to help students achieve self-actualization, we need to be with them every step of the way, by addressing basic and physiological needs first, which comes with making connections and building trusting relationships. Now I know what you’re thinking: Obviously relationships are important. And you’re right- this is not groundbreaking news. You know what it feels like to truly connect with your students, AND you know what it’s like when you’re not connecting well. So my question is: How much time do you invest in both types of relationships? I want you to take a few moments to reflect on the relationships you’ve built so far this year. Which ones have been positive? Which ones have been challenging? While such relationships may come to mind quickly, authors Katherine Evans and Dorothy Vaandering note that “our ability to nurture and maintain healthy relationships is often assumed- much like breathing” (2016, p. 61). The problem is, with current work loads and unrealistic expectations, many teachers have been too busy to notice how “labored” the breathing has become. What they mean to suggest is that we live in a highly disconnected world, and our work as educators to connect with students is becoming increasingly more difficult. We need to be more intentional. But how do we retrain our breathing? What is it we need to be more intentional? Put another way, Let me ask you this: What is the one thing we never seem to have enough of as teachers? TIME All relationships, all connections, both good and bad, positive and negative require time. Time to build and time to mend. With time being a finite resource, however, this can sometimes feel like a Herculean task. What I’ve discovered in these first weeks of the school year is that time is not something you simply find more of, like a quarter on the sidewalk- It’s something you make, intentionally- purposefully. It’s something that requires effort and commitment. I’m not suggesting it’s easy, but I am suggesting it’s possible. So let me tell you a story. We’ll call it, The Legend of 7th Grade Meetings We were only a week into the school year when the parent meetings started. While I understood the importance of having such meetings, I thought it would be a good idea to kind of sit back and follow the lead of my teammates for these first few. I quickly realized that these meetings were not intended to report out on bad news, but rather to open up a dialogue between home and school in an effort to get to know our students better. Meetings would often start with statements like: “Tell us a little bit about your child.” Or “What do we need to know about your child to help him/her be successful this year?” Now, often times, the look on parents’ faces would become confused and they would be slightly taken aback. There was often a slight pause or hesitation as parents shifted their thinking in order to engage. They might even say things like, “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that question.” What followed however, was connection-making conversations. Families would open up and share their own struggles or concerns; they would share their strategies and successes. They would share intimate details that painted a clearer picture of who our kiddos really are. From these conversations, we were able to set goals, make plans, and outline strategies- together- as a team. A line of communication was opened through these meetings and families quickly realized that we are on their side, in support of their children, and that we simply want to help all students succeed. We held similar meetings with students as well. Sometimes with small groups, other times with individual students. Sometimes we would ask them to stay in at lunch to eat with us, other times the team would take them out for pizza. In either case, the conversations centered on learning more about the students- talking about soccer or football, about friend groups, hobbies, interests, trips they’ve taken, and maybe then school. And I’ll admit, at first students were caught off guard too- unsure and skeptical even of what our angel might be. But over time, students began to see this as an honor- As proof that we care about them and are willing to treat them with respect. In other instances, we’ve stopped lessons in order to circle the classes up to discuss what’s happening and to check in. In such instances, we ensure all three of us are present and sitting with the group in order to discuss what’s going well and what we need to work on as a class. In these circles we’ve gotten feedback about how students value being valued- that they appreciate being treated like individuals. These circles have been highly informative to say the least. All in all, I would say a significant amount of time has been dedicated to meetings like these. When asked by a colleague about all of our meetings, my teammate laughed and said: “It’s 7th grade: meetings are what we do best!” This is the reality of our existence, and in fact, we’re happy to “pause for the cause” whenever it’s deemed necessary. This outlook is something we share and value equally. What we have realized together is that making time to talk is usually what students need. They need to feel heard, and valued. They need to feel that they are part of the community and that they belong. Now, I’m not suggesting for a moment that we’ve got it totally figured out- nor that we don’t have ANY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS any more. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Instead, what I’m suggesting is that my experience in this first semester has reinforced some of the things I’ve been reading and hearing about regarding best practices for building a positive learning environment. Sometimes you need to “go slow to go fast,” as Restorative Practices Educator, Randy Compton often says. By going slow and setting aside time to make connections, build relationships and community up front, you are much more likely to find success later on, and therefore be capable of “going fast.” I can say with certainty that a “pause for the cause” is always worth it in the long run. By investing time up front, you will build trust and respect with your students. You will demonstrate that they and not the curriculum are your priority. So, I’ll get off my soapbox now, but I do want to leave you with a few strategies for making connections. This is a compilation of things we’ve done in 7th grade and things scholars and educators suggest somewhat universally. Recommendations/ Strategies: Strategy #1: Make time at the beginning of the year to really get to know your students
Strategy #2: Make time each day for students to share
Strategy #3: Make time for students to connect with each other
Strategy #4: Make time for meetings and communication with families
Strategy #5: Make time for collaboration
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